Anxiety: Friend or foe?
Anxiety is a word we hear often, but what is it really?
For many, it feels overwhelming and unmanageable—like an enemy to be fought. But what if we looked at anxiety differently? What if we saw it as a protective friend trying to keep us safe?
What Happens in the Brain During Anxiety?
Anxiety is our brain’s built-in alarm system, designed to alert us to potential danger. So why does it feel so scary, and why does it impact our teens so intensely? Let me tell you ...
Anxiety originates in a part of the brain called the amygdala. This almond-shaped structure acts as the brain’s alarm system, constantly scanning for threats. When the amygdala perceives danger, it sends a signal to another part of the brain called the hypothalamus, which activates the body’s autonomic nervous system.
This system triggers the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, leading to physical changes that prepare the body for action:
Heart racing: To pump more blood to the muscles in case you need to fight or run.
Faster breathing: To get more oxygen to the brain and muscles.
Sweating: To cool the body down quickly in preparation for intense activity.
This is why anxiety often comes with uncomfortable physical symptoms like a racing heart, trembling, sweating, or shortness of breath. The brain and body are doing their job - trying to protect your teen - but the alarm isn’t always accurate.
Why Do Teens Feel Anxiety More Intensely?
For teens, anxiety can feel particularly overwhelming due to the unique developmental stage of their brains. The amygdala is fully developed during adolescence, meaning their alarm system is fully operational. However, the prefrontal cortex - the logical part of the brain responsible for reasoning, decision - making, and emotional regulation - is still under construction. This imbalance explains why teens often experience big emotions and struggle to control them.
Add to this the hormonal changes of puberty, the pressures of school, and the challenges of navigating social relationships, and it’s no surprise that teens are more vulnerable to anxiety. Everyday situations like giving a presentation, attending a party, or posting on social media can feel as threatening as facing a predator in the wild.
How Anxiety Wires the Brain
When anxiety becomes chronic, it can start to rewire the brain. Repeated activation of the amygdala strengthens the brain’s fear pathways, making the alarm system more sensitive over time. Essentially, the more the brain responds to perceived threats, the better it gets at reacting—even when there’s no real danger.
This process creates "well-worn tracks" in the brain, where anxiety becomes the default response. Over time, this can make the brain hyper-vigilant, seeing danger where none exists. This is why chronic anxiety can feel all-encompassing and difficult to escape.
Imagine walking through a field. Each time you take the same path, it becomes more defined. Anxiety creates these well-worn paths in the brain. But the good news is, with effort, new paths can be created, and the old ones can fade.
The Anxiety ‘Monster’
To help teens better understand anxiety, it can be useful to personify it as a "monster." Imagine anxiety as a scared monster that’s trying to protect your teen. It isn’t fighting them; it’s just shouting loudly to get their attention.
When we ignore or try to fight this monster, it shouts even louder, leading to panic. But if we acknowledge it and listen, the monster can calm down. Ask: "What is the monster trying to tell you? What does it need?"
Rewiring the Brain
The good news is that the brain is adaptable, and anxiety pathways can be rewired with practice. As a parent, your role is to help your teen create new, healthier paths.
Here’s how:
Acknowledge Anxiety: Teach your teen to recognise where anxiety shows up in their body.
"Do you feel it in your chest? Your stomach? Your hands?"
Self-awareness is the first step to managing anxiety.
Validate Their Feelings: Avoid dismissing their anxiety with phrases like "Don’t worry about it." Instead, say:
"I can see you’re feeling anxious—that’s okay. Let’s figure out what your anxiety is trying to tell you."
Create New Paths: Help them respond calmly to their anxiety monster. Each time they stay calm, they create a new path in their brain. Over time, this reduces the power of the old, anxious track.
Explain it like stepping off the well-worn path in the field and starting to walk a new one. At first, it’s hard to see, but with repeated use, it becomes clearer and easier.
By treating anxiety as a messenger rather than an enemy, teens can start to work with it instead of against it.
Real Fear vs. Perceived Fear
One of the key ways to help teens manage anxiety is teaching them to distinguish between real and perceived fear.
Real fear: A threat that requires immediate action, like someone about to attack you.
Response: Run away, fight, or freeze to survive.
Perceived fear: An imagined or exaggerated threat, like worrying about failing an exam.
Response: The body reacts as if it’s life-threatening, even though it isn’t.
When teens can pause and question their fear, they can often see that the danger isn’t real. Parents can guide this process by asking: "Is this a real threat, or is your brain treating it like one?"
Final Thoughts
When anxiety strikes, remember to stay calm and use the tools at hand. Each step you take helps your teen feel supported and builds resilience. Breathe, stay steady, and trust—you’re making a difference. You’ve got this!
