Parenting Teens
Who Am I, and What on Earth Am I Doing?
I’m sitting here, pondering my role as a parent, wondering how I’ve ended up in this strange limbo of teenage years. It’s a weird space to occupy, caught between feeling incredibly needed one moment and utterly irrelevant the next.
One minute, I’m busy cooking dinner, sorting out school uniforms, and being the centre of their universe. The next, they’re off into the world, and I don’t hear a peep from them for hours. When they finally return, it’s as if I’ve ceased to exist in their universe.
Sometimes, they’re eager to spill every detail of their day, and I think, "Ah, I’ve cracked it! This is what parenting a teenager is like; it’s all about being present." But then, in the blink of an eye, they retreat into their worlds, and I’m left with hours to fill, wondering what hobbies I should pick up now that I seemingly have all this free time (this week I’ve considered Taekwondo and brought a Lace Bobbin kit!).
I start thinking maybe my life can begin again, only to be yanked back into the whirlwind of teen drama when they suddenly want to talk for hours about the latest fallout with friends.
Am I Still Relevant Here? My View As A Mum.
I’ll be real with you—I struggle to navigate these years. Yes, logically, as a therapist, I could give you all the strategies, tools, and advice on how to manage these turbulent times. But as a mum, my emotional mind takes over, and I feel like I’m just fumbling around in the dark, hoping for the best. One moment I feel like I’ve got this parenting thing down, and the next, I’m questioning everything!
And, just to add a twist to the mix, I’m also going through perimenopause— because why wouldn’t the universe decide to throw that into the pot at the exact same time? It feels like a cruel joke that my hormones are fluctuating wildly just as my teenagers’ hormones are going through their own chaotic rollercoaster. It’s like living in a house of mirrors where emotions are amplified and distorted. Some days, I can't decide whose mood swings are more unpredictable—mine or theirs!
Finding Solace in the Chaos
But here’s what I do know: hearing other people’s experiences helps. Recently, a wonderful member of our Facebook group shared their worries about rejection, and it hit home for me. This journey feels like an emotional rollercoaster, and there are moments when I question everything—my decisions, my role, my value, my mind! It’s in these shared moments, these honest confessions of “I have no clue what I’m doing,” that I find comfort. Because maybe, just maybe, we’re all feeling a bit lost, a bit unsure, and that’s okay. Maybe we’re all just figuring it out as we go along, doing the best we can in a season of life that feels anything but stable.
Are We Really "Bat-Shit Crazy" or Just Human?
One of my teenage clients recently told me their mum is "bat-shit crazy" and I can’t help but wonder—are we really that crazy? Or are we just in the middle of our own identity crisis, trying to balance being the parent we think we should be with the human we’re becoming? This isn’t an easy journey. I find myself often feeling like I’m walking a tightrope, balancing their need for independence with my instinct to protect and guide. I worry about whether I’m giving too much freedom or not enough. I question if I’m too involved or not involved enough. And let’s face it, the boundaries are blurry.
Coming Out the Other Side, A Little Messier, But Stronger
I’m confident that as they move through these tumultuous years, we will emerge too. Maybe a bit bedraggled, our hair messier, our bodies a little saggier. But we’ll come out the other side with a new sense of self, shaped by the experiences we’ve shared, the lessons we’ve learned, and the countless moments we’ve endured. We’ll find a new identity in the space left by our growing teens, one where we can look back and say, “I did it. I got through it.” And we’ll know that, despite all the doubts, we’ve done a good job
Why Sharing Our Stories Matters?
Because It Does! I guess the point of this blog is that sharing our stories, our experiences, and our doubts makes us feel a little less alone. It reminds us that we’re all in this wonderfully chaotic club of parents who are just trying to make sense of it all. As I said, as a therapist, I ‘should’ know what I’m doing, I ‘should’ practice what I preach. But you know what no matter how much experience or books I’ve read I still find myself confused and lost 99% of the time! We’re not “bat-shit crazy”—we’re just human, navigating our own identity crises while trying to help our teens through theirs.
So, to all of you out there on this wild ride with me, know that I’m right here beside you, cheering you on.
We’re in this together, and we’ll get through it with a bit of laughter, a few tears, and maybe a glass of wine or two. And who knows? Maybe one day, we’ll look back and realise we did a pretty great job after all. Take care, and remember, you’ve got this!
With love